Harry Potter and the Can of Yams
by AmberTonks
Summary: Just a quick couple of chapters of crack with two OCs thrown in just for fun.
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter

**& the can of yams ****[year four]**

**Part One. ****[written by R.]**

~R. and her best friend Amber sat in the back of the potions room talking about Snape's lack of a social life.

"You have _got _to be kidding me!" R. whispered loudly at Amber's latest rag on the professor. "That's _hysterical_! He really?" She didn't want to repeat it. His latest deed was way too disgusting to speak of.

"Totally," Amber chuckled. "He and..."

The redhead's statement was cut off by Snape, who wanted to know if he could borrow R.'s MAC Lipglass.

"Oh, hell naw!" She responded, completely grossed out by the odd behavior of her teacher.

_Grotesque, _she thought to herself. _Creepy beyond compare..._

The next night, R. was still scarred from Snape's unusual actions, but was determined to keep herself focused on the name drawing from the Goblet of Fire.

"Now, we move onto the next order of business," Dumbledore bellowed from the front of the Great Hall, "the drawing of the names for the Tri-Wizard Tournament!"

R. could feel her brothers trembling with overexcitement. She rolled her eyes and looked across the wooden picnic-style table at her friend and her younger brother, Harry. The young wizard looked like his usual zombie self, but much less alert. His blue eyes glazed over and stayed open, not even blinking once.

She stared at him with wide, confused moss green eyes, but only for a second. The drawing of names had begun.

**authors' notes: **

Haha, hello there, you reading (whoever you are...)! My friend and I are writing this together, as sort of a side project over the course of our Winter Break. We tend to be quite random, so beware. I've written fanfiction before, but not necessarily for this website or topic, so comments and any kind of criticism are totally welcome. After all, it helps to better our writing. Thank you for reading this first and not final chapter!

**Part Two. ****[written by Amber]**

~Amber looked around to the other people in the great hall, every pair of eyes were fixed on Dumbledore. The goblet's flames turned blue and a name on a parchment came out. "Cedric Dickory-Uh, I mean, Diggory!" Dumbledore read. Cedric walked up to Dumbledore while most applauded in predictable jealousy. The goblet lit up again and another piece of parchment flew out.

"Phlemg... I mean Flure Delacore." A part Velia girl walked up flowingly to where Dumbledore and Cedric were. The goblet lit up one more time and a third piece of parchment came out of the flames, "Vikky... I mean Victor crumb... Krum" Dumbledore called out. He continued speaking and the goblet's flame spiraled and shot out. Dumbledore looked at the parchment and angrily said, "Harry Potter and R. Weasley!" R. and Harry confusedly walked up to Dumbledore. Dumbledore pushed both of them down into the lower rooms. "Did you put your name in the goblet of fire?" Dumbledore said in a harsh whisper.

**Part Three. ****[written by R.]**

~"What the hell?" R. screamed, obviously in hysterics. She quickly regained her composure and spoke in softer tones, "I-I mean, I can't speak for The Chosen One here, but I certainly didn't put my name in there."

"Hey, don't get all sarcastic with me!" Dumbledore scolded, and turned to the prized wizard. "Did _you _put your name in the golfball-I mean, Goblet of Fire?"

"Of course not! I've been framed! Someone is out to get me!" The Boy Who Failed shouted, not convincing anyone in his general proximity. He certainly didn't gain any respect with R., whose eyes became daggers pointed at his chest.

"I'm not going to get an answer from any of you, am I?" the headmaster asked reluctantly.

"Did you _seriously _just ask that question?" R. gaped, unbelieving that Dumbledore of all people could be so obtuse.

"Okay... go stand with the other competitors. We'll sort this out later."

As R. walked over to where they were standing, she sensed the awkwardness electrifying the air. Everyone in the dining area was staring at _her_. They were all thinking about _her. _She realized maybe they were thinking of Harry, after all he was the magical world's sweetheart. The teen shook those disgusting thoughts from her brain and made her way to where Vikky-_Victor _Krum was idly standing, bowing to the audience (who didn't even notice him).

**Part Four. ****[written by Amber]**

~Amber looked at her friend and brother. _what the heck is going on?_ Amber asked R. telepathicly All the contestants were lead downstairs and Amber and everyone else were rudely shoved out of the great hall and told to go to their common room. _I have no clue someone put our names in! _Amber looked around the common room and saw that all of the seventh years and elder sixth years were mopping at the loss of the opportunity for fame and parody... I mean glory.

Fred and George were joking around making bad jokes about R. and Harry. (Also singing the sitting in a tree song) Ron sat in an armchair and nibbled on Honeyduke's chocolate. Amber walked up to her dormitory and grabbed a book. The only way... according to the book (which is not always right) the only way to choose the name that would come out of the goblet of fire was to confound it. _Someone rigged the raffle... I mean goblet. _

**Part Five. ****[written by R.]**

~R. rubbed her temples on the way to the common room. She hated being yelled at. It made her feet sad.

The Boy Who Failed walked alongside her, but she refused to acknowledge him, for he was too conceited and annoying to be worth speaking to. She despised _him _even more than being yelled at.

She looked down at her cell phone, whose digital clock read: 2:55 AM. _Lovely, _she wise-cracked, _I'm out past curfew. _

Amber rose from her chair in the corner of the girls' dorm to greet her as she stepped through the doorway.

"I've figured it out!" she exclaimed. "It's... It's..."

"Yeah...?" R. gestured slightly.

"I forgot."

_Nice, _she thought but didn't say out loud. R. wasn't the type to be rude to her friends. _Way to be proactive. _

**Part Six. ****[written by Amber]**

~Amber wracked her brain for what she had learned earlier but couldn't remember it for her life. _Well, shoot!_ Amber thought, "Let's go to bed. We have Mad-eye tomorrow first thing." Amber said as she walked into the dorm and lay down on the four poster bed. She was not going to be able to sleep, let alone R. or Harry. This was going to be a long night.

**Part Seven. ****[written by R.]**

~The next morning, R. sat in Chuckie-_Mad Eye_'s class, fighting to keep her eyes open. She couldn't shake the feeling someone had their eyes glued to her every movement. It was a little unnerving, to say the least.

A chill crawled down her spine as the horror-movie-esque professor summoned her to the front of the room. The witch inhaled and exhaled slowly as she made her way to her teacher.

He said something, but R. didn't hear him finish. Her body slumped to the hardwood floor before he could utter his second word.

**Part Eight. ****[written by R.]**

~Harry, in his creepy stalker-like manor, followed the mob carrying an exhausted R. to the infirmary. Never before had a girl not acknowledged his amazingness. It irked him, but it also made him want her even more.

Madame Pomfrey stopped the famous wizard before he could follow the crowd any further. He threw a hissy fit and demanded to be let in.

"No," the nurse stated firmly. "Not even for Mr. Potter himself."

"Why?" he asked, hurt that one of subjects was acting disloyal.

"Because you're a meanie head."

With that, she shut the door in Harry's face.

**Part Nine. ****[written by R.]**

~R. and Harry stood, looking on at the large crowd of viewers waiting for the tournament to begin. Even though they needed to work together, they didn't utter a word. The moment was too awkward to interrupt with idle chat.

Finally, the female of the pair (not Harry) spoke up. "We have our plan ready, right?" her tone was serious as death.

"S-s-s-s-sure..." Harry was trembling with anxiousness. R. stared at him as though he'd sprouted a second head. "St-st-stop looking at me like that!"

"Whatever you say, Your Highness."

"Hey! It's The Boy Who Lived!"

"Yeah? And I'm Ron's sister!"

"You _are_ Ron's sister!"

"See my point?"

At that point, a voice came over the entire world, "The Tournament will now begin! (On Pluto!)"

"We have to leave the planet?" A random hobo shouted in protest.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N yay I got a review! I need joint help writing this cause I am completely lost without a joint writer on this… R moved away and I don't have her new phone # so if any of you are interested please tell me and you can type for R because I need HELP OR I WILL DIE!

~AmberTonks


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